Even the labor and the stay at the hospital was a beautiful experience. Yes, we had our scare during the delivery, but it was quickly forgotten when Audrey was finally safe and sound. I loved my doctor and the nurses. They were all very supportive and caring, both during and after the labor. The contractions were excruciatingly painful, but once I got the epidural I didn't feel a thing. Without that epidural I am certain that it would have been a completely different experience for me, especially after the two hours of pushing and use of forceps. Once Audrey was born, Chris and I were left to care for her ourselves for the next two and a half days in the hospital. She stayed in our room the whole time. Nurses were constantly in and out to give me medicine, take vitals, etc. and there were a barrage of other hospital people coming in as well. However, Chris and I really enjoyed our time together as a new family. We finally got to know our daughter that we had been expecting for so long and quickly learned how to care for her. She refused to sleep or stay in the bassinet for more than a few minutes at a time, but that forced us to set aside our needs and focus on her. I thought I would be scared to go home with a new baby, but when the time came we were ready and felt confident.
Since we've been home, we've only grown to love Audrey and each other more and more. Chris is taking a whole month of paternity leave and that has been wonderful for us. He wants to be a hands-on father and that would be tough to do if he were already back at work. Instead, we're learning how to take care of her together as equals. We spend our days ooh-ing and aw-ing over how precious she is and laughing at her little quirks. I knew Chris really wanted a child and that it was important for him to be a good dad, but I never would have expected anyone to be so wonderful. It's not just that he takes care of her, but it's the way he is with her. He says the sweetest things when he talks to her and misses her if he goes too long without having her in his arms. I think he'll always have stars in his eyes when he looks at her. He's even proud of her when she poops.
I am happier than I have ever been. Things just feel right and complete. I love everything about my daughter. All along things felt too perfect and I half expected something to go wrong, but now I feel like I have a charmed life. Audrey is just adorable. She's such a cute baby, even with a gigantic hematoma. All her little parts are adorable. She makes the sweetest sounds. I used to feel her hiccup in the womb (oddly the sensation was in my bottom) and now I find her hiccups to be precious. Fortunately, she doesn't seem to mind them, but they do confuse her when they get in the way of nursing. She hasn't figured out how to hiccup and eat at the same time, but she does give me a baffled look that just cracks me up whenever this happens. She also has the cutest sigh when she passes out in a drunken milk coma after eating. Then I leave her on my chest while she sleeps and just gaze at her. She looks so peaceful when we cuddle together. She has big beautiful eyes and I love it when she stares at me. I could never get a baby to stop crying before, but it seems like a child knows who mom is and finds comfort in her. It hurts when she cries, but I can usually soothe her quickly and that makes me proud of the connection I have with her already. I look forward to and hope to have a closeness with her throughout our lives. Just yesterday I was crying at the thought of her leaving home someday. I really want her to feel happy, secure, and loved. I know that Chris and I will always have her best interest at heart.
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